Love Is Toxic, And I Resent It

[t e a r s] can't dry on their own

2012-01-16T22:38:00.001+08:00

I think this really my first post in many months,
those fights we had, those arguments we had.

I will just burst into outbreak without putting myself into your shoes,
I just rip pieces of paper into shreds to show my displeasure.
I'm childish, seriously sometimes I do wonder what you actually love bout me.

I'm not pretty nor beautiful, I don't have the best complexion, results nor temper.
Time and time I made mistakes.
You said I was a good liar, I lied, I'm sorry.

Do you know how hard it is to even write on my blog about this, I'm someone who rarely confess my sins on blog, even when I blog I would omit details of the argument to make people feel I'm the victim.

I think I have grown alot through my relationship with you.
Even if we don't end up happily ever after, I know I have tried to make it up to you.
And make you feel love and trust me again.

Your Pride or Love

2011-11-12T04:32:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you have to cast aside your pride and apologize although you feel that you are not at fault, but because certain factors, perhaps your mom, your dad, your bf, your gf you have to do it.

Sometimes you have to cast aside your pride, and apologize even if you know that your family, your love ones will always give in to you, but everyone has a limit.

So your pride or love?

Get together

2011-10-26T01:34:00.000+08:00

We had a small get together, we were so "alcohol and supper lag"
Like I said the booze was super cheap in China, and here, it's argh
Though I do not drink, but sometimes you still need a bit of alcohol to stay sane.

In the photos I just look really haggard, oh whatever.

I really just look 1 hell of a haggard.

My school trip to Suzhou & Shanghai * Part 1

2011-10-19T00:59:00.000+08:00

This is the photos that I took, the Part 2 would be photos my friend's took for us

The Night View Of Shanghai

My curry pork rice, I think overall it's not bad for airline food. I prefer this than the SQ's ones.

Chong Ling's fish slice noodle

The fried corn, this is so good. It's better than Lok Lok Corn

This is the ROYAL CLUB, at first we thought this club is like St. James Powerhouse

or Zouk but obviously it's not cos we saw classical instruments inside.

I think it's those country club if I'm not wrong. But nevertheless it looks so magnificent.

The First night, all the booze and chips. The beer has only like 4.5% of alcohol

which was really light.

Our beds, the room at Holiday Inn Suzhou was great, it was spacious

and we had a desk and a big toilet and couch.

Benjamin and David were searching high and low for the beer opener but it was nowhere to be found

we had to call the reception and request them to sent one up.

The toilet

We went to the Suzhou's version of Paragon

The place was mega big and everything inside is branded

This bus ride is only RMB1 and it brings you around the streets and

when you wanna get down, you just have to inform the driver and

he/she will stop the mini bus

I think it's really cool

I think orchard road should have something like that.

I look super unglam here :(

While waiting for the Boys to shop

The mac there, when I was ordering, the Macdonald cashier was really mad at me

Cos I couldn't pronounce the chinese words

She was getting impatient minute by minute.

In the end I ahve get Chong ling to order for me.

We don't have this in singapore, this taste awesome.

I bully Poor Benjamin all the way during the trip

Bubble Tea

Our new Iphone and Itouch cover

I got this pair of flats for RMB40 which is SGD8 only an dit's super comfortable

and it doesn't give me blister. And for a person who get blister easily like me,

I was damn shocked that it didn't give me blisters.

Benjamin was like it will spoil within 3 days, cheap shoes.
Then I was like if never spoil how, and it didn't spoil.

Vincent look really poor thing

At the famous Nanxiang Xiao Long Bao,

seriously its not nice at all waste my money :(

Our minions for the trip

On the way back we are serve this,

hmm I think maggie mee would have been better.

Till next time!

Camwhore Session

2011-10-08T01:24:00.000+08:00

I think this was like 6mths ago, was really bored in Office.
You can see the hair differences, the face shape, I think I'm slimmer then :(
Awfully Sad

It's super sad looking at the photos, I got my omega watch and chanel bracelet stolen.
Hope that person who steal my stuff never be rich.

Just so you know

2011-09-29T20:12:00.000+08:00

There so many things I want to say
But I left it unsaid.
I'm not perfect I made mistakes
There is so many things I want to do but I'm afraid.

I'm afraid one wrong move it could ruin everything,
I may say things I don't mean it when I'm emotional but that is no excuse for it.
I'm trying to change.

Then to who again I said.
I don't know.

I'm always alone, actually no one truly understand how I feel.
Maybe cos I don't let anyone enter my inner world so easily,
Even my exbf sometimes don't even know what I'm thinking,
I worry too much.

I look happy outside, but inside it's hurting.
I look like I'm one who can take a lot, but I'm sensitive.

He said, "You look hard outside, but inside it's just jelly".

I want to go overseas to study, but then again I'm afraid,
When I come back will my friends still be my friends
Will I make friends there
WIll I be able to adapt there

So many "will I"

Leaving

2011-09-25T23:51:00.000+08:00

My dearest cousin left for AMERICA during aug, I miss her so much

this is her farewell dinner. She will only come back in Jan.

Girls Night Out

2011-09-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

I decide not to neglect my blog anymore,
Somehow I think my blog is like the place where I can really write out all my thoughts.

My mind is in conflict now, it's getting on hazy.
I'm watching F1 tmrw with chongling super happy :D

These pictures are so overdue I think a month back? That night was really fun.

I think Nicole look better with bangs, what do you all think? ;)

Nicole took this picture, I look very much naked here ...

Pass out avalon yesterday, I'm getting too old for late nights.
Germaine is now in Melborne I miss her so much.

ANYWAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERMAINE :D
I LOVE YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH.

MUAH~❥

Faults

2011-09-19T03:32:00.001+08:00

It really don't matter whose fault was it,
Yours, Mine, does it still matter at this point?

People

2011-09-19T03:28:00.001+08:00

Nicole Tan (:

Terence and Nicole

The trio!

N, T, Me and Shihui

Germaine my baobei!

Clique Gathering

2011-08-29T12:08:00.000+08:00

I've spent National day with my beloved clinque (:
We spent the whole day just playing xbox and kinect at Terence's house.

Look how neat is Terence's room, he's like a g i r l .

My baobei Germaine <3

All of US <:

Shihui

We took at least 20 polaroids!

We are going over to Terence's house today again, I'm so hype up (:

Lazy ass

2011-08-28T00:55:00.000+08:00

I need to stop being lazy, and start blogging properly.
I will start tomorrow or monday perhaps.

My blog post shouldn't always be so sad and emotional.

Rebel

2011-08-19T23:49:00.000+08:00

You use to be someone I go to when I'm upset
But 1 mistake we both made and you're gone.
Only you will patiently listen to me.
Only you don't judge me.

Eyes inside your S O U L

2011-08-19T01:41:00.000+08:00

I'm really afraid of what I might become,
the thought of it just makes me wanna slap myself.

So many things change,
I'm trying to catch up.
But sometimes it's so tiring.

Deep down inside it's all broken,
Only he can see how broken it is.
But he will never see me again, because I'm done.

I'm trying so hard not to think,
maybe that's why I'm partying so hard.

That's why I'm doing such stupid acts.

Why

2011-08-14T17:57:00.001+08:00

It's been really long since I've updated my blog.
This year, really had gone terribly wrong.
I did stuff that I really regret, I've learnt my lesson.

Thing's start to look brighter this august, hopefully it continue to shine so brightly!

Will upload more photos when I'm free.

Physical

2011-08-02T16:17:00.002+08:00

Oh, it's so hot, and I need some air.
And boy, don't stop 'cause I'm halfway there
It's not complicated, we're just syncopated
We can read each other's minds.
One love united
Two bodies synchronising
Don't even need to touch me
Baby, just

Breathe on me, yeah, oh
Baby just, breathe on me
We don't need to touch, just
Breathe, oh, yeah

Oh, this is way beyond the physical (it's a way beyond the physical)
Tonight, my senses don't make sense at all
Our imagination, taking us to places
We have never been before
Take me in, let it out
Don't even need to touch me
Baby, just

Monogamy is the way to go
Just put your lips together and blow

Come & Go

2011-07-25T00:00:00.001+08:00

Late at night, I think of you,
But do you think of me?

I doubt so, many times I try to let go.
You're a knot in my heart I can't seem to untie.

But you have to go, goodbye.
I'll never think of you anymore, because from this moment onwards,
I'm letting others come into my life.

Goodbye E

2011

2011-07-19T19:05:00.001+08:00

2011 hasn't been a good year.
Many setbacks, I'm gonna let everything go.
I guess it's easier for my mind, I don't have to think so much.

I really have to keep my emotions in check, and don't let them make decisions for me.

xx

On replay

2011-07-13T10:49:00.002+08:00

Face The World

2011-07-09T22:08:00.000+08:00

Even if you are willing to put your heart and soul in it,

You will never get the same treatment back, never ever.

It's the reality.

Questions

2011-07-08T18:43:00.000+08:00

Are you single?
Yes.

But I thought your facebook you holding on to a guy's hand?
Yah, we broke up doesn't mean I have to delete the photo, he doesn't have facebook, it doesn't affect his social life in anyway.

And I don't see the point of deleting anything, cos deletion doesn't mean it didn't happen before.

Rain Check

2011-07-05T08:18:00.000+08:00

I really don't know how to put my emotions into words,

I'm pretty much numb.

MY [O F F I C A L] B'DAY CELEBRATION

2011-06-27T15:09:00.000+08:00

I'm really glad that everyone came down, even if it's just for awhile.

I really appreciate all your efforts and the presents (:

Chongling's baby was the earliest I ♥ U

Shaun was the second, he came down awhile before heading back to hsi friend's gathering at timbre and a short getaway at m'sia. Super well plan friday.

The [♥ girls ♥]

My cupcake, specially design by Mr. Tay Jiayang ♥

Roy & Dean *Couple No. 3

Shawn and Corrine, hope you all last long (:

Blacky ♥ sweetheartx got cupcake UP ON HER FACE x

Joey and her babyboy

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

THANK YOU everyone :D
My b'day celebration was successful because of you all!

We are but one

2011-06-24T15:13:00.000+08:00

Together doesn't mean must constantly text or call each other everyday.
Though it's bittersweet, but I think there is more sweetness now.

B'day Celebration With Kevin

2011-06-23T14:14:00.000+08:00

My BUDDY .:: Kevin ::.
was the first one to celebrate my birthday with me.

Will update again. (:

The wolf

2011-06-20T00:17:00.009+08:00

Before the world you know was like it is
I held a lover once and I was his
And we walked along the river in the sun
But he's a lonely man, so this was done
The only place we had to meet was night
While the sun he sleeps in shadows we can hide
On the mountainside we spent our time together
but it is gone when morning comes

And you are the wolf
And I am the moon
And in the endless sky we are but one
We are alive
In my dreams wolf and I

How many days and nights will come and go
While the only light you'll see is from my glow
There will never be a dawn that breaks the spell surrounding

Happy

2011-06-18T21:34:00.000+08:00

Although my b'day celebration almost burn out cos of 2 person,
it still manage to turn up well :D
Thanks to all my LOVELY

I truly felt love yesterday (:
Hopefully today also.

Hangout with my CUZZIES

2011-06-13T22:02:00.000+08:00

I love hanging out with them
Nothing beat family's bond

I <3 you guys

SOUP, both was kinda sucky

Our appetizer!
Super Yummy

Main course was not as good as we expect it to be except for Desmy's Lamp Chop
I ate the duck coffit, it was really salty :(

Desmy's Lamb Chop, I didn't try hers, cos I don't eat lamb

Liu Wah's fusion laksa, taste awful

TOODLES <:

P-p-party

2011-06-12T23:10:00.000+08:00

It's been so long since I went to club and have fun (:
My b'day is coming I'm so excited :D

Awesome night (:

You hit me like Hurricane

2011-06-08T00:13:00.008+08:00

愛像一陣風　吹完它就走
這樣的節奏　誰都無可奈何
沒有妳以後　我靈魂失控
黑雲在降落　我被它拖著走

靜靜悄悄默默離開陷入了危險邊緣 BABY
我的世界已狂風暴雨　嗚

愛情來的太快就像龍捲風
離不開暴風圈　來不及逃
我不能再想　我不能再想
我不　我不　我不能

愛情走的太快就像龍捲風
不能承受　我已無處可躲
我不要再想　我不要再想
我不　我不　我不要再想你

不知不覺　你已經離開我
不知不覺　我跟了這節奏
後知後覺　又過了一個秋
後知後覺　我該好好生活

不知不覺　你已經離開我
不知不覺　我跟了這節奏
後知後覺　後知後覺

You hit me like a hurricane. x

Waiting Again

2011-06-04T22:11:00.001+08:00

I'm sick and tired of waiting, fuck you.

JUNE

2011-06-03T19:00:00.000+08:00

Nothing can be compared to how I feel about you.
June is looking brighter than usual.
To hell with you MAY, you suck.

This Moment

2011-05-31T22:59:00.000+08:00

I wanna keep this moment in my mind :D

你为什么说谎

2011-05-31T11:49:00.000+08:00

This time that I'm leaving, I have nothing more to say
I don't want to continue anticipating for it to get better
I don't understand how can you can be in such ease
And why are you so stubborn
But I know you, why did you lie?

You say you are still here, and never left me for a second
I want to stay here but everything is already too late
I cannot be like the past
Who's going crazy for our future
You don't have to explain why you lie
You cannot say that I have never loved you before
Or say that I have never waited, or have never been sad before

I also want to say even if we start over, I might still stay quiet
You keep asking me if I still have the heart to carry on
And ask how can I not regret throwing away our love
But look at my tears
Why(do you think) it keeps on falling

Credits to http://youtu.be/reqVeDyZisY

这次我走开 再没有话要说出来
我不想再期待走下去 还能多精彩
我不了解你怎能心安
也抓不住你的倔强
可是我知道你 你为什么说谎

你说你还在 一分一秒也没走开
我想留在这里 可是这一切已太晚
我不能再像从前一样
为我们的明天疯狂
你不必解释 你为什么说谎

你不能说我没有爱过 说我没等过难过
我也想说 也许能重来我却还是沉默
你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失爱
而我的泪 怎么就流下来

I hope you do

2011-05-29T22:11:00.000+08:00

Do you feel my heart beating?
Do you understand?
Do you feel the same?

Pain

2011-05-26T19:15:00.000+08:00

Although I don't really like my dad,
But it pains me to see him having sleepless nights.

100 Truth

2011-05-23T19:52:00.001+08:00

WHAT WAS YOUR:

1. Last beverage: Chrysanthum.

2. Last phone call: My mom.

3. Last text message: Joshua.

4. Last song you listened to: Written In The Stars by Tinie Tempah feat Eric Turner

5. Last time you cried: I can't remember perhaps a few weeks ago?

HAVE YOU EVER:

6. Dated someone twice: Yes.
7. Been cheated on: No.
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Yes.

9. Lost someone special: No.

10. Been depressed: Yeap, who doesn't?

11. Been drunk and threw up: Of course, lol.

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:

12.Purple
13.Grey
14.Black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2011)

15. Made a new friend: Lots of them

16. Fallen out of love: Yes.

17. Laughed until you cried: Not yet.

18. Met someone who changed you: Yea, in a way.

19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes.

20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes.

21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes.

22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Almost all?

23. How many kids do you want to have: None.

24. Do you have any pets: Nope.

25. Do you want to change your name: No, I love my name.

26. What did you do for your last birthday: Hotel PARRTYYY.

27. What time did you wake up today: 6.00am

28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching Vampire Diaries

29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Holidays, Trip to US.

30. Last time you saw your Mother: 5plus.

31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Nothing, I am happy with my life.

32. What are you listening to right now: Nothing.

33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No, I don't have any friend name Tom/

34. What's getting on your nerves right now: Somone.

35. Most visited webpage: Facebook

36. Whats your real name: Foong Yu Han.
37. Nicknames: Han.

38. Relationship Status: Single.

39. Zodiac sign: Gemini and Cancer

40. Male or female?: Female.

41. Primary School?: De La Salle Primary, Yew Tee Primary

42. Secondary School?: Z.S.S

43. Junior college?: I'm in Republic Poly

44. Hair colour: Brown (I dyed it :D)

45. Long or short: Long.

46. Height: 158.

47. Do you have a crush on someone?: Not now.

49. Piercings: Ears.

50. Tattoos: none.

51. Righty or lefty: Righty.

52. First surgery: Never had one.

53. First piercing: When I'm a baby.

54. First best friend: Hazel, from De La Salle; however we lost contact.

55. First sport you joined: None, I wasn't sporty.

56. First vacation: Austraila.

58. First pair of trainers: School Shoes hahahhaha!

RIGHT NOW

59. Eating: Chocolate.

60. Drinking: Water.

61. I'm about to: Watch 8pm show.

62. Listening to: My msn beeping

63. Waiting on: SUPPER

YOUR FUTURE :

64. Want kids?: No.

65. Get Married?: Yes, I hope so.

66. Career?: Student

WHICH IS BETTER :

67. Lips or eyes: Eyes.

68. Hugs or kisses: Hugs.

69. Shorter or taller: Taller, who wants to be shorter?

70. Older or Younger: Older.

71. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic.

72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice arms.

73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive.

74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.

75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Hesitantl.

HAVE YOU EVER :

76. Kissed a stranger: No.

77. Drank hard liquor: Yes, it was gross.

78. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes. My contacts fell of

79. Sex on first date: No, gross.

80. Broken someone's heart: Yes

82. Been arrested: No.

83. Turned someone down: Yes.

84. Cried when someone died: My family and friends are still very much alive.

85. Fallen for a friend?: Yeah.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

86. Yourself: Yes

87. Miracles: When it happens, I will believe

88. Love at first sight: Yes

89. Heaven: Yeps.

90. Santa Claus: Obviously my Santa Claus is my MUMMY & PAPA.

91. Kiss on the first date: Yes.

92. Angels: I got a few, and they are on my SPEED DIAL :D

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: No, I hate two timer.

95. Did you sing today?: Yes.

96. Ever cheated on somebody?: Nope, no point.

97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: No, I am happy now (:

98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: I live in the future not the pass.

99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: No.

100. Posting this as 100 truths?: Yes

Meetup

2011-05-23T17:02:00.001+08:00

It's been really long since I meet up Jiayang, I finally met him
And he is happily attached
We went to watch thor!

He trying on my glasses, hahah, so kewt!

Hope you all have a nice day!
5days have passed, 2 more days.

USS

2011-05-22T17:44:00.000+08:00

Went there a month ago I guess, I way to lag behind for the updates

2011-05-17T21:28:00.001+08:00

I prefer her version to the Jayesslee

Her version is more touching I guess, cos Jayesslee's version doesn't show the pain and the sadness.

Insecure

2011-05-17T03:36:00.000+08:00

Round and round in circles.
I always believe if it's yours it's yours no point fighting.

If it's mine it will come back to me,
It's game is half way played,
Now it's time to replenish energy and begin the next half.

Somehow, I feel that I am gonna lose.
But I'm not gonna lose without putting up a fight.

Nevertheless .::
Supper was great tonight, been too long since I saw them.
The prata was gross, and Roy still can eat 3 of it yucks ::.

Michelangelo's

2011-05-12T14:44:00.000+08:00

Had dinner at Michelangelo's like about 2 months back
Nice ambience, the food taste ok I guess?

The salmon, I don't really like the over cook burnt taste of it, about 2.5stars

The beef, the mash potatoes is super yummy 4stars

The tiramisu, nice, but not the best I've tasted

Facts

2011-05-11T14:52:00.001+08:00

(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) smoked a cigar
( ) done weed
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) drank something alcohol

(x) been in love ♥
( ) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight

(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
(x) been arrested
( ) made out with a stranger
( ) gone out on a blind date

(x) had a crush on an older person
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) seen someone/something die

( ) had/have a crush on one of your FRIENDSTER friends
( ) been to Paris
( ) been to States
(x) been on a plane
(x) thrown up from drinking

(x) eaten Sushi
(x) been ski-ing
( ) met someone BECAUSE of myspace
( ) been mosh pitting

( ) been in an abusive relationship
(x) taken pain killers
(x) love someone right now
(x) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
( ) made a snow angel

( ) had a tea party
( ) flown a kite
( ) built a sand castle
(x) gone puddle jumping
(x) played dress up

(x) jumped into a pile of leaves
( ) gone sledding
(x) cheated while playing a game
(x) been lonely
(x) fallen asleep at work/school

( ) used a fake/someone else’s ID
(x) watched the sun set
( ) felt an earthquake
( ) killed a snake

(x) been tickled
(x) been robbed/vandalized
( ) robbed someone
(x) been misunderstood
( ) pet a reindeer

( ) won a contest
( ) been suspended from school
( ) had detention
(x) been in a car/motorcycle accident

( ) had/have braces
(x) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(x) had deja vu
( ) danced in the moonlight

( ) hated the way you look
(x) witnessed a crime
( ) pole danced
(x) questioned your heart
(x) been obsessed with post-it notes

(x)squashed barefoot through the mud
(x) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the world
( ) swam in the ocean
(x) felt like you were dying

(x) cried yourself to sleep
(x) played cops and robbers
( ) recently coloured with crayons/colored pencils/markers
(x) sang karaoke
(x) paid for a meal with only coins

(x) done something you told yourself you wouldnt
(x) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) kissed in the rain

( ) written a letter to Santa Clause
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( )watched the sun rise with someone you care/cared about
(x) blown bubbles
( )made a bonfire on the beach

( ) crashed a party
(x) traveled more than 5 days with a car full of people
(x) gone roller skating/blading
(x) had a wish come true

(x) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
( ) screamed “penis” at a sport game
( ) swam with dolphins

(x) got your tongue stuck to a pole/freezer/ice cube
( ) kissed a fish
(x) worn the opposite sex clothes
( ) sat on a roof top

(x) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) can do a one-handed cartwheel
(x) talked on the phone for more than 3 hours
(x) stayed up all night

( ) picked and ate a fruit right off the tree
( )climbed a tree
( ) had/been in a tree house
( ) arent scared to watch scary movies alone

(x) believe in ghosts
(x) have/had more than 30 pairs of shoes
( ) gone streaking
( ) been in jail

Who have known

2011-05-10T23:31:00.004+08:00

You put your arm around my shoulder,
And it was as if the room got colder,
And we moved closer in together,
Started talking about the weather
Said tomorrow would be fun
And we could watch a place in the sun
I didn’t know where this was going, when you kissed me

Artist : Audrey Kawasaki

Updates

2011-05-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

My phone was lost or stolen,

Whatever it is I've already report it to the police.

Hope they will do something about it.

Bittersweet, it gets confusing when you can't read the the other party mind.

Not knowing when the other party is serious or just fronting.

I hate this part.

Ass.

Plight

2011-05-06T17:10:00.001+08:00

I felt better talking to you two.
E said I was going on a merry-go-round.
K said I made the right the decision and the hurt is inevitable,
he said I should stop self pitying.

One told me to leave all of them, one told me to promise him I will be happy when he gets back.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld
Powered by Gee! from StarHub

Love

2011-05-05T21:54:00.001+08:00

What is L o v e ?
Mutual respect? Mutual understanding? Commitment? Sex?

Love isn't just about 2 person. It includes your friends, your family.

I'm so tired of everything, even school seems so hard.
I don't want to come back to a home that is filled with quarrels.

I just want to forget everything, if I could just lose my memory
lose every promises, lose every friendship, lose every thoughts of anyone.

Just a clean slate.

Some memories are bitter sweet some are sweet, but now
everything is just awful.

I got myself into a hole, that I keep falling down aimlessly,
the more I try to climb up the further I sink back in.

The more I try not to think, the more I think about it.

I start to worry bout my future,
which university should I go?
after university what should I do?
what if I don't like what I'm doing?

All these thoughts keep me up late at night.

What if I married someone that I don't love?
What if I never get married?
What if I get a divorce?
Will I have children?

What if my dad pass away?
What if my mom pass away?
What if my brother pass away?

I fucking hate this mental torture.
So much thoughts and insecurities.

Everyone is busy with their stuff.
They tried to comfort me, but somehow I feel that they are just humouring me.
I don't want that, I don't need people to say nice stuff like "don't worry", "everything will be fine"

Get it over with

2011-05-04T09:27:00.003+08:00

I SUCK.

Waiting

2011-05-03T19:46:00.000+08:00

Waiting for my contract to reach 24 months to change to bb torch.
Waiting is a bitch.
School kept me super busy, today I could say was the busiest day in rp through out the 3years.
More to come.

Tomorrow fyp meeting tsk tsk
Thursday another fyp meeting
Friday another fyp meeting omg.

Irony

2011-05-02T23:04:00.001+08:00

When heaven take away something they will always give you something back.
Irony, I never had once thought that our paths would meet again.

Let the games begin.
And this time I will win this game.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Goodbye

2011-05-02T00:34:00.000+08:00

Hurt

2011-04-30T17:15:00.002+08:00

I didn't mean to hurt anybody,
but end up I hurt everyone.

Why do things have to turn out like that.

Truth hurts, lies hurt even more.

Anger

2011-04-29T11:09:00.002+08:00

I'm bursting with anger.
Seriously you think I am a easy target just cos I'm the only chinese singaporean girl in the team
Fuck you.

D-day 2

2011-04-28T21:10:00.002+08:00

It's so hard to give up something which you invested feelings into it.
But sometimes you know it's for the best.
When you can't get over someone how can you get into a relationship with someone else.
I'm running away from reality.
Today was a wake up call, yes it hurts.
It double hurts because it ripped open old scars.

Thanks for being there, I believe the decision would bring us both to greater heights.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then
we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

D-day

2011-04-28T18:15:00.000+08:00

I'm letting all hell break loose.

Irritating

2011-04-24T23:37:00.000+08:00

Was planning to go to US during Aug,
But the dates we had planned was my study week.

FUCK YOU RP :(

Programming tmr *YAWNS*
This year modules are pretty heavy, I'm bored already.

I guess sometimes people change faster than you can imagine,
I want someone who treats me vvvvvvery good,
Ok, snap out of it.

I'm dreaming already.

Irritating

2011-04-24T23:35:00.000+08:00

Was planning to go to US during Aug,
But the dates we had planned was my study week.

FUCK YOU RP :(

Insult

2011-04-22T01:24:00.000+08:00

I feel insulted by your words.

Fine then.

RRRRR

2011-04-21T23:06:00.001+08:00

I got a surprise today when

RONALD LIN

msn me.

He actually read my blog,

RonaldLin says:

*anw i tot some ppl say dun wan post pics liao last time

*haha

*pui

*tok nia

*u r full of bullshit

Ans : Cos sometimes when you're just fed up with photobucket you just don't feel like posting photos, besides this is my blog, I can post photos anytime I want.

Insecurities

2011-04-17T23:51:00.000+08:00

I’m in here.
Can anybody see me?
Can anybody help?

I’m in here,
A prisoner of history.
Can anybody help?

Can you hear my call? Are you coming to get me now?
I’ve been waiting for you to come rescue me
I need you to hold all of the sadness I can not…
Live with inside of me

I’m in here.
I’m trying to tell you something.
Can anybody help?

I’m in here.
I’m calling out but you can't hear.
Can anybody help?

I’m crying out.
I’m backing down.
I am feeling it all.
Stuck inside these walls, tell me there is hope for me.
Is anybody out there listening?

Emotions

2011-04-16T23:07:00.001+08:00

I can't seem to control my emotions these few days,
I'm not myself.
I don't even know why I'm tearing over such things now.
Fuck.

Too Many People Are Getting Married

2011-04-16T01:59:00.000+08:00

We went to one degree fifteen for Kokling's friend ROM,
This is my 2nd ROM of the year, ers ...

He imitating me *annoyed*

He look like a retard in this photo

Ciao

last x year

2011-04-15T01:37:00.000+08:00

Last year in RP kinda suck, I'm changing class everyday.
Imagine the embarrassment if I walked into the wrong class, even worst late.

Need to get Physical, getting a little fat.
Have been pigging too much.
In my secondary school days I can do 60 sit up no sweat now tsk tsk.

Bug Flu

2011-04-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

I'm down with flu, it's the weather.
Tissue have become my best friend overnight :(
Bbg is also down with flu, we 2 have been rather angsty

& people around us suffer. Cos we would be pissed off even by the slightest things.

Let Me Know

2011-04-11T18:28:00.000+08:00

Been feeling nostalgic these days, I kinda miss days when I was really tight with Jiayang and Kenneth.
I feel that I'm drifting further apart from them

Was suppose to meet Jiayang last last week but due to some held up at camp he can't meet me.
I miss those days we would go for late night movies and supper, or go to henderson wave and slack there all night.

Normally Kenneth would call me from aust for chit chat session, but I haven heard from him for a long time.

Those were the days.

Nice or Not?

2011-04-06T13:17:00.001+08:00

Generally I'm not a nice person,
I'm only nice to people who are dear to me.
I don't really like talking to strangers, but I am not afraid of confrontation if needed.

I don't like pretentious people, if you don't like me, don't talk to me
I do not need people like you in my life.
I hate people who speak without their brain.
Yah you can be straight, but please bear in mind that what you say can still hurt people,
Especially if you are not even close to that person.
You can try being subtle but still straight, if you can't do that keep your comments to you A-HOLE

I get really angry if I see anyone bully my love ones,
Only I get to bully them (:
So don't mess with my love ones.

I miss Jiayang and Kenneth very much
One is in FOREST
One is in AUST

Sigh. Don'tknowwhencanIseethem

On the brighter note I'm going to USS on Saturday and meeting bbg on monday. YAY!

Ben & Jerry

2011-04-05T00:16:00.001+08:00

I love ben and jerry so much :D
What's your favourite favor?
Mine is Chocolate Fudge Brownie YUMYUM

Actually recently I've talk to my friend about blogs,
We blog because we wanna look back and be like "Hey I almost forgot I did that"
and reminiscence all the memories.
I don't blog cos I want to be famous or anything,
once you're famous you will be struggling for censorship.
You will be more careful of what you say or what you blog about cos you don't wanna be flame.
I don't care if nobody reads my blog, cos I write it for myself :D

Ok enough of my ramblings :D Time for pichasss

He look petrified :( Am I that scary? Oh well

Look at his smug face

Don't know where is his eyes at

This pic is so unglam :(

More of my unglam moments

He sneakily took this with my cam

Miami To Ibiza

2011-04-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

She say she likes my watch
But she wants Steve's AP
And she stay up all hours watching QVC
She said she loves my songs
She bought my MP3's
And so I put her number in my Bold BB

I got a black BM
She got a white TT
She wanna see what's hiding in my CK briefs
I'll tell her "wear suspenders and some PVC
And then I'll film it all up on my JVC" Uh

Scene one
Everybody get in your position
Pay attention, and listen
We're tryna get this all in one take
So let's try and make that happen
Take one
Action

She pose for FHM
She like my black LV
We spilling LPR up on my A PC
I'm in my PRPS and my Nike SB's
Raving with SHM
London to NYC

I got my visa and my visa
A diva and her dealer,
Bitch I'm up on the guest list
With the Swedish House Mafia
You can find me on a table
Full of vodka and tequila
Surrounded by some bunnies
And it ain't fuckin' Easter

I'll wake up in the morning
With a mild case of amnesia
With a girl that like a girl
Like Lindsay Lo and Queen Latifa
If you niggas are balling
Then boy I must be FIFA
And that's standard procedure

"This song is so hot :D"

Korea Trip Part 4

2011-03-31T18:22:00.001+08:00

Hopefully the last post on Korea <:

The super huge fireplace at the hotel!

MORE FOOD. Tyvm

Tea for boys & girls [oooh la la]

I look like a shortie here, oh wait I am a shortie LOL

The scenery on top of the mountain is so surreal

Tata!

Korea Trip Part 3

2011-03-30T00:18:00.002+08:00

The irritating uncle just have to barge into my picture *annoyed*

Trying to make kimchi, but very fail lol

YUMYUM FOOD

The packaging of the food is so cute

Bye now!

Korea Trip Part 2

2011-03-22T12:50:00.002+08:00

Part 2!
Seeing all these pictures make me miss me KOREA :(

Still more to come :D

Creep

2011-03-18T21:00:00.000+08:00

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul
I want you to notice when I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell I'm doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running out
She runs runs runs

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

Korea Trip Part 1

2011-03-18T12:38:00.002+08:00

Let the pictures do the talking ;)

They are so cute!

Shall update more on the next post, there are too many pictures @.@

Jun Xing's ROM

2011-03-14T00:23:00.002+08:00

I love going to wedding, it makes me picture how I want my wedding to be like.
I feel so in [ l o v e ] going to wedding,

Hope they last long <3

Chinese New Year + Roy's Baby Bash

2011-03-11T16:21:00.001+08:00

I only have one pathetic photo for Roy's Baby Bash,

Here are the chinese new year photos as promise, I kinda lost my mojo for blogging.

Perhaps I'm just too busy with my work and friends to update my blog.

Some of you have been asking me who is the guy in most of my pictures,

Who is he, I don't think I need to answer to you all.

Whether is he my bf or not, it's my private affair.

Be mine

2011-03-02T14:49:00.000+08:00

I feel so sad that the premium oulet in korea didn't have my size
It's only $496 at korea, whereas in sg its $1000plus.
:(

Break

2011-02-26T00:16:00.000+08:00

I really need to update my blog.

Roy's Baby's Bash
Chinese New Year
Valentine Day
Random Pictures
Korea

I think that's it. My blog is rotting, I kinda lost my mojo for blogging.

It's so irritating, just when I thought I can have some P e a c e in life, the drama got to come back.

Seriously gossip mongers fuck off. *roll eyes*

D r a m a M a M a

Affected

2011-02-10T01:01:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you know that you don't want to see it cos you know it will hurt you,
But you will just itch to see and when you see it your heart drop.

You brood over it.
I messed up quite a few things.

People say when you love someone alot and when you had your heart broken,
You'll end up destroying yourself.

I did.
And now I'm trying to move and on and be better.

Start

2011-01-31T13:36:00.001+08:00

The starting of this year is so much better than I expected
I want things to remain this way forever. x

It's already problem 14, soon I will be in my 3rd year.
I'll miss my sweetheart ♥`Blacky :(

and the rest of E66C, Joey, Gwen and others :(

I'm going to ; K O R E A soon :D

Whispers

2011-01-25T23:29:00.006+08:00

So come here
A little closer
Wanna whisper in your ear
Make It clear
Little question
Wanna know just how you feel

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Hey You might think
That I’m crazy
But I you know I’m just your type
I’mma be a little hazy
But you just cannot deny

There’s a spark in between us
When we’re dancing on the floor
I want more
Wanna see It
So I’m asking you tonight

Say You Love Me

2011-01-19T11:59:00.001+08:00

Say you love me, Say you love me
Then put it in a love song (Put it in a love song)
Say you need me, Say you need me
Then write it in a letter for me (Oh oh oh)
Say you want me, Say you want me
Then text me on the cell phone (Text me on my cell phone)
Say you love me, Say you love me
Then put me in a love song (Oh)

If you say you want me, yeah,
You say you want me
If you do the right thing, we can be together
I'm not easy, yeah, you gotta work for it
I'm the real thing, yeah, you gotta please me

All that talk, and boy you better walk it
All that front and thats not how you do it
If you really need me like you say you need me
Baby better show me, baby better come and say.

The big LOVE

2011-01-17T10:41:00.000+08:00

I'm not someone who can express 'l o v e' feelings freely
I can express dislike and hate easily, cos it's so easy to say "I don't like that thing", "Yuck it's disgusting"

But to express my love emotions, it's hard,
How do I even explain it?
Happy seems to cloudy
Delighted sounds fake
It's so hard to express a happy emotion, whereas sad emotion is easily written
"My heart ache like ....", "I felt that my heart had died" easy said, and you get how it feels.

So don't expect me to express feelings easily, cos I'm not really good at it.